{One of a series of poems from the hospital}
My thoughts are imprisoned
outside the window
like moths trying to get in
to burn themselves at the altar
of your bedside reading lamp.
I sit with you,
my body a question mark
dangling on a chair,
you a semicolon curled
in paralysis.
Together we watch
technicolor miracles - a red-blazered witch
speaks of deaths, lives, money.
The quiet ticking of the clock
becomes too loud and long
from eon to eon.
I hallucinate about endless sea,
open cloud and free wind.
Freshly mown grass
and new delivered button roses
offer a moment's glimpse
at Life as we both once knew it.
Your grateful touch
brings my skewered perception
to book, the razor-edge of death
is walkable again.
I dont need caffeine anymore
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Compressed three month Blog
It has been such a crazy time since I last posted here. I've moved from friend's place to a pretty condo in suburban Chicago to sharing an apartment with three other girls and calling a room the size of a closet my own. Of course, this claustrophobia-inducing room is temporary until I can find better accomodations.
I took both CK and CS in two consecutive weeks at the end of July and the beginning of August. I just finished celebrating the results for my CK, which I passed, IMO, with flying colors. With my QBank scores swinging between 60 and 75 all the time, my score surprised the heck out of me, considering all the craziness that the past three months of my life have been.
My parents asked me to buy myself a gift, and because I am a nerd, I'm thinking about getting myself a booklight... haha. Nerds FTW.
Met up with a bunch of classmates and schoolmates the other day after a long time, I hadn't seen some of them in over two years. And it was fun. Its nice to meet up with people who understand that unique situation I am in.
On the flip side, my rotations in CT aren't happening. Not exactly sure where the goofus happened, but it did and now I'm stuck without rotations.
That may be a good thing because I want to go into Pediatrics (YES! I finally made a choice!) and neither of those were pediatric rotations; so that leaves me free to do a slew of pediatric rotations for my electives. I'm working my a** off to get rotations here in Chicago, this is where I want to live and work. I might decide to do a Sub-internship in Internal Medicine both because it is a school requirement and because it will keep me from being idle and tearing out my hair while waiting for my pediatric electives to be scheduled.
You heard that right, I said I want to go into Pediatrics. Yay for words coming back to haunt me... and premature declarations.
I'm also trying to finish my scary-looking paperwork for the residency application process. It is so scary.... I hate paperwork and I've been told many times that I am in the wrong field for the amount of hate for that particular item... Sigh. I suppose it is the rule of balance.
I've also been calling programs and doctors in practice to see if I could do rotations with them; I've exhausted the minutes on my phone... hahaha. And I'm still sitting on my ass. This is doubly hard on me because I'm not a people person at all, and it makes me cranky and insociable. I turn into a cave being. Completely... except for the fact that I wear clothes... I don't feel like talking to anyone after those crazy, long days. I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE ANYMORE! (I happened to mention this to my mother the other night when she had called - and she laughed. Obviously, there are exceptions - I do always want to talk to my parents and certain friends)
Yesterday I went to the clinic so someone could stick me with a needle and draw three huge tubes of blood from my arm, and get a complete physical; today I had a chest x-ray. That concludes the medical portion of the programme - it is the the last bunch of tests I'll need before I graduate, hopefully. Results on Tuesday!
For all the rollercoaster that I've been on since mid-May, I am a stronger and saner person today. I've noticed my priorities have changed a lot... though I'm still not a people person. I'm learning to focus on the big picture. I'm trying to hone my sense of humor... apparently, I developed one when I wasn't looking. I've also made friends - some of whom will be permanent sparklers.
And Big hugs for everyone that sent out prayers, good wishes and encouragement. I love you all!
I took both CK and CS in two consecutive weeks at the end of July and the beginning of August. I just finished celebrating the results for my CK, which I passed, IMO, with flying colors. With my QBank scores swinging between 60 and 75 all the time, my score surprised the heck out of me, considering all the craziness that the past three months of my life have been.
My parents asked me to buy myself a gift, and because I am a nerd, I'm thinking about getting myself a booklight... haha. Nerds FTW.
Met up with a bunch of classmates and schoolmates the other day after a long time, I hadn't seen some of them in over two years. And it was fun. Its nice to meet up with people who understand that unique situation I am in.
On the flip side, my rotations in CT aren't happening. Not exactly sure where the goofus happened, but it did and now I'm stuck without rotations.
That may be a good thing because I want to go into Pediatrics (YES! I finally made a choice!) and neither of those were pediatric rotations; so that leaves me free to do a slew of pediatric rotations for my electives. I'm working my a** off to get rotations here in Chicago, this is where I want to live and work. I might decide to do a Sub-internship in Internal Medicine both because it is a school requirement and because it will keep me from being idle and tearing out my hair while waiting for my pediatric electives to be scheduled.
You heard that right, I said I want to go into Pediatrics. Yay for words coming back to haunt me... and premature declarations.
I'm also trying to finish my scary-looking paperwork for the residency application process. It is so scary.... I hate paperwork and I've been told many times that I am in the wrong field for the amount of hate for that particular item... Sigh. I suppose it is the rule of balance.
I've also been calling programs and doctors in practice to see if I could do rotations with them; I've exhausted the minutes on my phone... hahaha. And I'm still sitting on my ass. This is doubly hard on me because I'm not a people person at all, and it makes me cranky and insociable. I turn into a cave being. Completely... except for the fact that I wear clothes... I don't feel like talking to anyone after those crazy, long days. I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE ANYMORE! (I happened to mention this to my mother the other night when she had called - and she laughed. Obviously, there are exceptions - I do always want to talk to my parents and certain friends)
Yesterday I went to the clinic so someone could stick me with a needle and draw three huge tubes of blood from my arm, and get a complete physical; today I had a chest x-ray. That concludes the medical portion of the programme - it is the the last bunch of tests I'll need before I graduate, hopefully. Results on Tuesday!
For all the rollercoaster that I've been on since mid-May, I am a stronger and saner person today. I've noticed my priorities have changed a lot... though I'm still not a people person. I'm learning to focus on the big picture. I'm trying to hone my sense of humor... apparently, I developed one when I wasn't looking. I've also made friends - some of whom will be permanent sparklers.
And Big hugs for everyone that sent out prayers, good wishes and encouragement. I love you all!
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