"The only thing better than a best friend is a best friend with Chocolate."

Friday, September 18, 2009

Poetry and the End of vacation

My 30:30 is going well, over at Splash. There are several of my favorite people on the site have been participating, and the gorgeousness of it all almost had me weeping into my oatmeal this morning. In comparision, my Open Letters pales in prettiness.

Sometimes, I think poems need to be gritty and rough, like driftwood. The poems in Open Letters are meant to reflect that. I like to believe that they fit this hope well enough. At least, I'm not embarassed to share them alongside prettier and more thought provoking poetry from poets who've honed their skills. Seriously, there is even a sonnet. Someone posted a SONNET in a 30:30 - thats the kind of people that make me want to weep for joy.

I posted Open Letters #1 on Poetbay, the response so far has been lukewarm. Part of it may have been the simple fact that I haven't posted there in longer than six months. I think I've outgrown Poetbay, I'm ready to move onto forums and places that challenge me and make me want to write poetry. I'm tired of telling people I love their poetry when really, I don't mean it. I'm tired of offering critique where it isn't welcome and the critique forum is almost a joke. Sure, encouragement IS important, but the same comments over and over again make me gag. Maybe I will go ahead and delete myself from there, and see how I feel about it. The only thing stopping me is the memory of a good friend who passed away and the thought of the few good friends I have made there. But there is always facebook, right?

I think I should go back to the AAP forum or Penshells. What scares me is how easily I can disconnect myself from any place of poetry, how these poetry forums besides Splash don't feel right to me. I can't bring myself to go back and post. It might have to do with the fact that I know that at Splash, I have friends who held my hand through a lot of things. But that isn't an excuse I'm offering myself and whoever else cares enough to read this blog. If anyone besides me reads this, I sure don't know.

Ah the difficult choices I make... haha.

In really exciting news, I received my print copy of the debut issue of Touch: The Journal of Healing. I was published, and they have the first line of my poem as a sort of introduction to the book with a page to itself and my name under it. How awesomely cool is that! This is also the first time I'm holding physical proof that unbiased people like my poetry, and the first time in the past five years that I'm holding a print copy of my poem in my hand. I almost squealed when I picked up the envelope today.

Vacation is almost over and I think I'm ready to go back to work. I'm starting on the peds inpatient service, a sudden change to my schedule. I don't mind the change, but I'm scared. And nervous. And terrified that when I have to draw blood, I'll completely fail and burst into tears. Hopefully, though, I will be better than that. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Sunshine and smiles, atleast while the sunshine lasts!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I started a 30:30 on Splash. It was surprisingly easy to take charge and lead. I'm not a take charge person most of the time, I'm content to let others take charge and hand me a responsibility - I'll take charge of that. But this time, I started something and so far, I have two well-standing people on my list.

I was thinking about it this morning. In my chosen career, I will end up taking charge of people's lives. Asking them to change their lifestyles to suit their health. Basically, I'll be taking charge of their lives in a big way, though we'll pretend that they did it. I'm actually already doing that, now that I try to be objective about it.

In other news, my brother now has a blog. My decidedly non-literary, non-journaling, non-writing brother. Its got to be the joke of a lifetime, even if he never updates it again. Now that hes got at least one legitimate post, I can tease him about it the rest of his life. Hahahaha. I love you, bro.

I started a series of poems called Open Letters. It is, as the title suggests, a series of letters to people who either have been or are a part of my life. I don't know how many of them will recognise themselves or others that these letters are addressed to. I dont know that any of them will even read these letters. But I'm writing them for myself, imagining myself telling these people some of my thoughts about them.

I'll post the collection here later, some day when I have nothing to blog about.

:)
me.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

I am currently on vacation.
Vacation - three syllables that stand for luxury and daredevil traveling and all that. Despite my love of travelling, I am currently spending my first ever vacation from work at home in my apartment.
A lot has happened since that journal entry on 6/6/09. I got my visa, I came to the US, I started residency, and am currently three months into my intern year. I started making myself a scarf, read a few good books, got a new computer (courtesy of my wonderful wonderful parents), a pretty new phone and an apartment I love.
In the past three months, I also splurged on a new bed - I spent a ridiculous amount of money on this beautiful beautiful bed I absolutely love. Thats the brief update... haha.

I haven't written any poetry in over three months. I haven't found any new music in this period either. I haven't managed to buy all the things I need for my apartment. I havent managed to get my license, or a car for that matter. **shrugs**

I have learned, though, that I love being where I am. I love working with people. There are any number of moments that I don't want to be around people anymore, and I'd give almost anything to be curled up in bed. But I like the people I'm working with, they're genuine and I think we're developing happy bonds.
I have also learned that it is a fine thing to dream, but it is a finer thing yet to be able to fulfil those dreams by myself. Yes, there are loan repayments. Yes there are a million things I can complain about. At the same time, I am finding myself a calmer and more fulfilled person when I go to bed at night, and to me, that is all that matters.

Huggiez,
memememememe.